Posts
As I sit here contemplating, many thoughts race through my mind as I hear every "Zing!". I get the feeling that this will be the longest blog I've written to date. Excuse my rambling in this diary, but this is one that will be very dear to me. I don't really know how I will exercise or even organize my thoughts, since I plan on writing the thoughts that come to mind first, but bear with me. Life sure is strange isn't it? Where did all the years go? I find myself living as If I don't know what year it is.. well until I look at my license and realized that I've been on this earth 20 something odd years.
I live life differently these days it seems. Gone are the days of recklessness, as I exercise caution with every step. Gone are the "wrong" crowd as I've now graduated to more of a mature "Soloist". Gone are the days of extended periods of talking on the phone. I don't really engage in phone conversations much, because some conversations tend to lean on the side of gossip and I have no time for it. And in other cases, conversations tend to be more so about someone else and it usually isn't in a positive light, so I don't go there. I will say that even with my outgoing demeanor, I'm somewhat of a loner. Don't feel sad or wonder if it's because of things your mind might assume. I just feel more comfortable being around myself and those few people that have my best interests at heart. Speaking of heart, my own tends to weaken as I think back and realize how far I've come. Many people are responsible for my state of mind nowadays and sadly many of them that molded me are no longer here to share the moments of today, tomorrow and where I may be heading. I've shed enough tears in my life, but when I think back of all the struggles, pain and other unfortunate circumstances, I just simply slide my hanky back in my pocket and let the tears show through the means of my ambition.
I have great people in my corner and the biggest change with that is I know all of their numbers by heart. This is rather different since there was a time I had so many friends, my phone book would rival that of the yellow pages. However, trials and tribulations, karma and all detoxified all of whom I thought I knew. Often times I ask God if such a thing was the right thing and I seldom see his face, but his distinguished voice utters words of encouragement, in that what has transpired was the best thing to happen to me thus far. There are quiet moments of loneliness, but I use that time as a moment to reflect. I remember a good friend of mine before he passed once told me that I will make it very far and be a star in life, but only if I allow myself to envision it. Him saying that I have so much to offer the world, is forever imprinted in my mind. My fan club presently has dwindled by factors of life, but I know many of them are above looking down and smiling upon me, exchanging high fives. The ones down here on earth are of course my immediate family, my Mom especially. I don't know where I would be without her and indication are that she knows that.
Nevertheless, people change all the time. There have been friends at every step of the way, from high school all the way to my final stop at DePaul. It saddens me when I see how many of those very people I once respected change for the worse. Those who were so vibrant and easy going are now divas or filled with ego. I've learned that that too can help in your growth as a young adult, when you can differentiate who to befriend and who to move on from. I do believe that if you walk with God, you too are then unstoppable. Moreover, when I hear the positive voices in the back of my mind, of those gone to stay above, I get rejuvenated as they too are with me throughout my journey of life and there is no sweeter feeling than that.
Comments